In 2012, I basically had a breakdown. Stress at work reached a point where one day in April I just couldn’t make myself go. I then bounced around various mental health services and medications, and mostly sat around doing nothing and feeling horrible.
2013, however, is the year I finally got some control back in my life. Not complete control – I still find dealing with people outside of close family members difficult; I doubt I could handle employment; and I’m still on medication. However, I am working self-employed. I’ve seen my first Android project through to release. I’ve not given-up despite it being a failure commercially (though I do have plans for several improvements to it that may help).
I have found I struggle with uncertainty: if I know how the finished product should be, I can stick with it, but when it’s complete, I feel lost. Games are particularly tricky, as you cannot design one in advance and know if it will work. I’ve put a lot of time into two projects in particular this year, DropPix, last mentioned here; and Turn By Turn Racing. Both seemed good in theory, but didn’t work well in practice, and I found it very difficult to pull the plug on them. How could I know whether more polish would fix them?
As I go into 2014, I have several projects in need of completion. There’s a new Android app that’s been in my head since before Quick Quote. F!shing is in need of a structural rewrite to deal with some performance issues, but I’m otherwise pretty confident in it. I began work on a roguelike game in November for the Trial of Oryx contest, and though I missed the deadline, it’s very satisfying to work on, even if it’s not likely to make me rich. I have the beginning of a Goblin Fortress remake lying around too, though its fate has not yet been decided.
So, I’ve got lots to keep busy with. Hopefully in 2014 it will finally pay-off a little!